Friday, July 31, 2009

A Few Thoughts

I have some really cute photos of the kids holding, feeding, and kissing Baby Brother A., but for now I'm going to hold off on posting them. There's no guarantee that we will be able to adopt him and so he will remain anonymous for the time being. Court is scheduled for Tuesday and it will be up to the judge to decide if birthmother gets another chance. She has stated that she wants to raise A., but the recommendation from CPS is worded quite strongly against her. She will get to visit him on Monday, and we have requested that CPS provide the transportation. One reason is simply the logistical nightmare of transporting 4 kids by myself, but we are also unwilling to risk having birthmom or other family members come in contact with Joe and Daniel. After A. was born, bio-grandmother told the nurses at the hospital that she was raising Joe and Daniel. I'm guessing she lied because she was probably embarrassed that the boys were taken away from the family, but that comment still makes me uneasy. It also makes me angry.

Another touchy subject is race. We know most people do a double-take when they see our family and I have no issue with that. I would do the same. I also have no issue with polite questions. Our waitress at dinner last night asked if Mikea was adopted. She was very sensitive and tactful about it, and it turned out she was interested in adopting. We put her in contact with our agency and hopefully something positive will result. I love it when that happens. However, last week was a different story. We were eating out again (it's too hot to cook, ok?) and I caught a woman staring at Mikea. Not just a one-time, "Oh my, look at that family! They have 500 babies!" kind of look, but a repeated, prolonged, hostile stare. At first I thought she was looking because the kids were being a little noisy. (They were tired and hungry and our food hadn't arrived yet.) But each time she looked, she looked only at Mikea. I also caught her saying the words "need to get out of here" to her companion, but I don't know if she was talking about herself or our family. Each time she looked, I stared right back at her until she looked at me and looked away. My blood was boiling and my hands were shaking. I didn't know what to do. I said a little prayer asking God to help me calm down and not do anything un-Christlike, but it was so hard. All I know is that I'm thankful my daughter is too young to understand, and we have a little time to figure out how to handle a situation like this if it should ever happen again. I'm thinking a response like, "She's a beautiful little girl, isn't she?" might work. What do you think?


Deb said...

Your possible comment to say is right on!
Or you could say, "She brings such joy to us. Isn't she precious?" Return negativity and hostility with positivity and respect.

You (and Billy) are excellent role models and that is how little ones first learn how to handle these types of public situations. It is not easy, but God is with you.

Remember to pray for this woman as well.

Amy said...

I agree! When I'm out with all 3 kids and people say "wow, you have your hands full!", I usually say "better full than empty!" and sometimes I ask if they're offering an extra hand to help with!!